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the stars in our floorboards

by lavender ray

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1.
born without a spine / at times, i wished you never had me / you longed for something small to squeeze / you'd do the same today / grew up trying to grow one / you wished you never blinked / you blame it all on someone else / for once, i feel like me you told me stories of a bottle that was passed from man to son / somehow you wished to pass it on to one of your own / you insisted he was sick / i never saw him try to sip / nineteen, i'd never tasted it but finally i did you taught me of the perfect man who lives up in the sky / how we should live to please him but he'll never tell us why / you taught the book at face value / i was young, i tried so hard / it didn't cure the emptiness that lives inside my heart you wanted me / you cared for me / you told me i was something / you tucked me into bed at night / you held me when i cried / you love me and i'm lucky but there's more to it than that / that's why i could use some space / is it alright if i don't call this week?
2.
february 03:14
the corner of every street has an old house and a tree from the families who passed by / we lived to run in starlight / blueberry friends to waste the whole night / now my eyes close before dark my restful sleep exhausts me with these circular dreams / magnolia park feels miles from pumpkins in decay / the weather report calls for six more weeks of winter so i beg the sun to soak the chill from my bones all that i know / passing ghosts / all they want, to sell me out / water rises on every home we build / we'll move to a place where the dead don't live, where the sun never shines
3.
summer days, a crowded playground / two kids in lonely corners / you offered to share a basketball / we'd been beat up by the same hands / the ones that held the bibles / two quiet mouths could suddenly talk for hours / now i don't feel so alone then we climbed up on the roof / dreams of nooses on a swingset / safety on a netless trampoline / always listened to the same songs driving home from school / in the backseat yelling "play it again" / we said that this must be the place all i wanted was to help you find a home that suffocating summer i was without my own / i felt comfort knowing you were lacking too but in me you found blame you packed your books and toys and walked a few miles / now you're waiting for the next bus to take you to a new town / forget what we learned here all i wanted was to help you find a home that suffocating summer i was without my own / i felt comfort knowing you were lacking too but in me you found blame
4.
salt 04:07
i was found before him / i drove downtown at 3 am / reached out the window to hold stars and passing cars / i was found but now i'm lost again now i drive west when the sun sets / pull the stars from the floorboards and hang them up / i may never see bridges in purple again / the anthills of the terminals and their connecting tracks / the buildings stretching towards the moon / the fountains pouring history, the carriages that once rode here / every city has its river, every city looks the same i did not turn to salt when i fled / he burned there with the rest / i saw my freedom up ahead / how could it be that he's not dead? i was found when i left / the airplanes were flying cars, the lightning bugs were shooting stars / the chicago skyway was in my backyard / but the windchimes warned of coming storms you said the shade won't steal from me but i am sure missing the sunlight / i was found but now i'm lost again
5.
spring 05:20
the bricks are peeking through the pavement / the backseat's been empty for two years / i think my spine is getting straighter, i stopped bending it for friends i think i might come out of hiding / i could be myself by spring / i think i might try letting someone in watch the tips peel from my fingers / scrape the snow off all my limbs / turn the bird's nest into sunset / if we keep climbing, we will laugh again i think i might come out of hiding / i could be myself by spring / i think i might try letting someone in there is not only shade and sunlight, there must be something in between / i think i hear windchimes again today there is not only shade and sun, must be something i haven't seen and my bare feet will touch the grass again
6.
this room is cold, it echoes / on the walls are portraits of people i've loved / when i walk by, they call out my name / but they vanish when i press my hands to the frame it's a joke from a friend long gone / i can't say hello but i hope they're doing well / it's a trip to speed park at midnight to sit on the swings and try not to think about it / but i think about it this town is all the same, my eyes are new / i learned to love my neighbor while i was away / all that's changed is the suburbs have grown to the places where we rode our bikes could it be a better place? do you think it could if they'd open their minds a little bit? / it's not what it was before / i used to live with hate but i cannot anymore i'm supposed to release all my old friends and make peace with indiana / tell my parents how i really feel and draw some meaningful conclusion it's not the end of the movie, it goes on / you can bury what's left but you'll still carry them with you

credits

released December 7, 2019

ashley ray: vocals, guitar
mickey osthimer: guitar, bass, vocals
bridget slone: percussion

all songs written by ashley ray, recorded and produced by mickey osthimer

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lavender ray Louisville, Kentucky

sad pisces music made by ashley ray. debut ep "the stars in our floorboards" available december 7

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